Super Christian

Mike & Rachel Goetz
January 18, 2006

What's that in the sky? Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Super Christian! The saint of saints, Super Christian travels far and wide, spreading the Gospel with fervor, passion, and nice teeth. By day, he is a mild-mannered government employee, but where there is need, he becomes Super Christian: the Ultimate Man of God.

Super Christian is endowed with a veritable cornucopia of spiritual fruits: the love of Barry White, the patience of Job, the peace of pie. He's holier than swiss cheese; he can prophesy about prophesy; he's never tongue-tied when speaking in tongues. When people want healing, they push others aside and come to him!

Super Christian has the voice of an angel – nay, the voice of ten angels. He worships on the highest hill while the peasants gather below to hear him as he sings sweetly in the morning air. When he speaks the people are stilled as they hear his words of eloquence; the thoughtful, articulate, well-crafted three-point sermon. As an evangelist, there is no equal:

SC: "Say there, citizen: Do you know Jesus?"
Citizen: "No, but please tell me how I can meet him"

Some may administrate, but he is the administrator. Some may interpret, but he is the interpreter. He is wiser than Solomon and his good deeds are countless. You may not have heard, but the Sherpas of Tibet know of his mountain-moving faith-filled feats.

He prays so hard, his kneecaps have been replaced 5 times. He serves so much, his back is hunched. He has washed and cared for more feet than Dr Scholl. But does all this stop Super Christian? Of course not! He is undaunted and continues where others falter. His books have sold millions of copies! They spawn mountains of devotionals, music, and paraphernalia like no other.

Super Christian parts water as easily as others part their hair. He cares for the flock so well that actual shepherds come to him for guidance. He fasts quickly; he eats locusts; he outgives even the widow's two mites. Children adore him! Leaders seek his council! He's so on fire for God that he has been arrested for arson.

He's Super Christian – And he's better than you

with additional writing by Chris Goetz